Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
