tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
