your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
