If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
