I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
