hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I look better un-naked...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A+ Viking dick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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