Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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