Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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