so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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