are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
