i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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