So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
