Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
