Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
