either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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