so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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