Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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