My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
