fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
