my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
