I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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