wanna go halves on a baby?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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