peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
