I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
