did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
