He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
