It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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