my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just blew my weed a kiss
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
