Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
