He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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