State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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