Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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