So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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