I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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