Nicole vs. Life
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
