Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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