Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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