mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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