i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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