Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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