There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
