careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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