marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize