party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
