Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
