Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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