put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
