I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
