He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
