At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
