At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
