My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
