I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Bring me that man meat
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
