It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
