you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
