Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
