Don't you send me to vm
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
