You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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