Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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