the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
