we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
