I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize