I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
