dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
