I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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