sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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