I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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