dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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